changes

It's been two years since I have posted. I still feel just as stuck, like the ground has a hold of my feet and I can only stand there as the world flies past me. Everyone goes though changes, some good and some , well less than desirable. What if you make the wrong choice. What if the circumstances you are in force you to change in a way that is contrary to who you really are. I sit here and think of all the things I want to change or just start, but am too scared of the unknown outcome. The thought of failure is so strong it keeps me rooted, keeps me making the same mistakes, doing nothing, letting life pass by. Where do you find the courage to move forward. I wish sometimes there really was a Wizard of Oz. That I could follow the obvious path, and although there would be some tough spots, it would still be leading me to the promised land. That at the end of my journey I would find my courage, my heart, my brain. I am 42 now and I still feel like a kid. I have kids, and I don't know how bad I am messing up these little humans, because I totally don't have it together.

I will change, I want to change. I want to find that path and lead myself to the better life,